My Wife Didn’t Desire Me Anymore

For months, I felt like my wife no longer desired me. I felt rejected, frustrated, sometimes angry. I doubted her. I doubted myself. I almost looked elsewhere for what I thought I was missing. Here’s what that period taught me about desire, male ego, and silence inside a marriage.

My name is Marc. I’m 42 years old. Married for 12 years. Two young children. And I’m a normal man.

I say “normal” because for a long time, I thought the problem was me. That I was too needy. Too focused on sex. Too sensitive. When in reality, I was just a man who loved his wife… and needed to feel desired.

I don’t know exactly when her libido started to fade. Maybe after our second child was born. Maybe before. It didn’t stop suddenly. It settled in slowly. Like a habit.

At First, I Didn’t Understand

For her, sex wasn’t that important. She told me that several times. She could be happy with tenderness, stability, calm. I needed desire. Not just the act itself. The feeling that she still wanted me.

What was hard to accept was that sex was “not essential” for her… but it was out of the question for me to look for it elsewhere. And I understand that. Of course I do. But at the time, I felt trapped.

As if my need wasn’t legitimate.

I Started Taking It Personally

Every rejection felt personal.

A “I’m tired.” A “Not tonight.” A small movement as she turned to the other side of the bed.

One Sunday evening, the kids were watching cartoons. There were toys scattered all over the living room. I placed my hand on her hip as I walked behind her in the kitchen. Not insistently. Just a touch. She tensed up. Slightly. But enough for me to feel it. I pulled my hand away as if I had done something inappropriate.

That night, I felt ridiculous. Almost like a teenager.

And I started counting. The weeks. The silences. The moments when I didn’t even dare to try anymore.

I Confused Desire With Love

That’s probably the hardest part to admit.

When she didn’t desire me, I translated it as a lack of love. As if something between us had broken. While for her, it meant fatigue. Overwhelm. Too many children, too much mental load, too many responsibilities.

But in my head, the message was simple: if she doesn’t want me anymore, it’s because she doesn’t see me anymore.

I started noticing her oversized pajamas differently. Her lack of initiative. The fact that she no longer touched me spontaneously. Small details. The kind that eventually weigh heavily.

The Silence Did More Damage Than the Lack of Sex

We talked about it badly. Always late at night. Always when the tension was already there.

She said I thought too much about sex. I thought she never thought about it at all.

And that’s where it stopped. Two sentences. Two frustrations.

I didn’t dare say how much it made me doubt myself. I didn’t dare admit that I felt rejected. So it came out in other ways. A sharper tone. Distance. Sometimes an unnecessary coldness.

I caught myself thinking she was selfish. It’s not a thought I’m proud of. But it crossed my mind.

And the more I kept it to myself, the heavier it became.

What I Understood Later

I love sex. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. It’s not just physical. It’s a way for me to feel connected. Desired. Alive.

But I understood something essential: silence destroys more than the lack of sex.

If I had spoken earlier. If I had expressed my vulnerability instead of my frustration. Maybe we could have avoided some of the tension.

I thought staying silent made me strong. In reality, it isolated me.

My wife’s lower libido didn’t mean she didn’t love me anymore. But not talking about it almost created real distance between us.

I’m not saying I understood everything at that moment. Far from it. I still made mistakes afterward. I still doubted. I even came close to looking elsewhere for what I thought I was losing.

But that’s when I began to realize something important: desire doesn’t always disappear because love is gone. Sometimes it fades because we stop taking the time to protect it.

Marc
My name is Marc. I’m 42 years old. I’ve been married for 12 years. I have two young children. And I’m a normal man who suffered deeply from no longer feeling desired by his wife.After years of feeling like I was wandering through a desert, I can finally say that things are better. And I’d like to share what I’ve learned from that experience.
This text was originally written in French. It was then translated to be readable in your language.
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